June Bugs and July Japes

Is Hillary Clinton 5 feet 8 ½ inches tall as some websites claim or 5 feet 6 inches as others assert? The true number is important to the aggrieved and increasingly activist vertically-challenged Americans who believe it’s just as important to have a “sawed-off” president as it is to have a female in the Oval Office. Republicans suspect that the 5′ 6″ figure is just another Clinton vote-grabbing fiction.

Good News from Baltimore: Reuters reports that the number of uniformed officers in the city fell 6.1% last year, and from January to June 9 this year, the force shrank by a further 6.8 percent. Both union and police officials say officers have defected to other departments in the area. This will reduce the chances of a another black youth being shot by a policeman in the Maryland metropolis, and make supervision of the remaining racists simpler.

Bad News from Baltimore: Homicides rose 63 percent with a record 344 people slain in 2015. Murders are continuing at a brisk pace this year.

More Good News from Baltimore: No black man has been shot by the police this year, so no black lives that actually matter have been lost. Almost all the homicide victims were shot by other blacks.

“Hey, isn’t that Bill Clinton over there? Let’s go on over and talk about his golf game.” This is a fragment of an alleged conversation between U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch and her husband Stephen Hargrove has been going the e-mail rounds among faithful Democrats. There’s been a lot of skepticism over its authenticity.

On June 7, Lady Gaga tweeted “#HILLARY2016 VOTE for the 1st female US president in history. This country could use a little rock n’ roll.” Rock n’ Roll? Hillary? Many observers find this puzzling, some find it cryptic, a few believe it is a coded communication sent to the North Korean intelligence service.

On June 26, a Gay Pride Parade In NYC displayed a banner reading “Republican Hate Kills.”
This banner was inspired by the Orlando nightclub massacre carried out by an ISIS-supporting registered Democrat.

On June 29, French President François Hollande endorsed Hillary Clinton for president (of the United States). President Hollande polls at 12% in France just now. There’s no polling information on his favorability ratings in the United States, but there are signs of bitterness among the Bernie Berners over this betrayal by a socialist brother.

On July 3, the New York Times reported that President Obama allows himself just seven lightly salted almonds as an evening snack. Obamafans everywhere were excited to hear that their demigod pays attention to the recent Food and Drug Administration advisory against eating cookie dough. More, they are not alone in being impressed by the iron will required to stop at seven almonds, even if only lightly salted. This report reminds us why NYT calls itself “the newspaper of record.”

On July 7, Donald Trump swatted a mosquito before a crowd of thousands in Cincinnati. After a brief discourse about his loathing for mosquitoes, he said ́”Speaking of mosquitoes, hello Hillary!” Many have had a good laugh at his sallies, e.g., ‘Lyin’ Ted’ and ‘Crooked Hillary,’ but Trumpologians believe that this is his first attempt, after thousands of hours of gab, at an actual witticism.

Someone calling himself ‘Paul Krugman’ said something sensible and obvious in July’s New York Times. We quote “…I worry that the urge to condemn [Brexit] has led to a lowering of intellectual standards. And let me also say that the narrative of disaster is coloring some (not all) financial reporting. On the whole, the market reaction looks pretty muted to me. It’s not just stocks, European bond spreads are about where they were a month ago. True, globally, rates are considerably lower; but we aren’t seeing the kind of financial disruption so widely predicted. Yet headlines about turmoil are everywhere. Could I be wrong about all of this? Of course! But everyone really should ask where the consensus about Brexit macro is coming from.”

The identity of the imposter has not yet been discovered.

Alexandria Williams, a co-founder of Toronto’s Black Lives Matter chapter, called out Pride Toronto for its “anti-blackness” and “anti-indigeneity.” (Sic) The BLM bunch stalled the annual celebration of LGBT equality for thirty minutes. Williams explained that “Folks are forgetting that we haven’t all made it to the point of queer liberation. That not all communities who participate in Pride are actually able to be free in that celebration.” Persuaded by her eloquence, Pride executive director Mathieu Chantelois and board co-chair Alica Hall agreed to “increase funding and support for Black Queer Youth events and Blockorama, the Pride showcase for black performers; reinstate the South Asian stage; hire more black deaf and ASL interpreters; hire more black trans women, indigenous people and others from vulnerable communities and remove police floats from future parades.”

“Sanders supporters melt down over FBI’s Clinton decision,” so said Gregory Krieg of CNN on July 5. Krieg observed “a torrent of anger and frustration among some of Bernie Sanders’ most diehard supporters, a vocal minority who have been agitating for an indictment of the former secretary of state in the hopes it would vault the Vermont senator to the Democratic nomination.”

Selin Gören, a refugee activist and the national spokeswoman of the left-wing youth movement, met three refugees in the city of Mannheim. They forced her to perform a round of sex acts. She reported the rape to the police but didn’t mention the men spoke Arabic or Farsi until she went back twelve hours later. In July, Selin explained to the magazine Der Spiegel that her initial evasion was inspired by the horrible events in Cologne on New Years Eve. It appears she was referring to the mean, xenophobic things Germans were saying about the immigrant youths who robbed and assaulted hundreds of women.

A prime Wikileaks specimen from the DNC’s chief financial officer: “For KY and WV, can we get someone to ask his belief. Does he believe in a God? He had skated on saying he has a Jewish heritage. I think I read he is an atheist. This could make several points difference with my peeps. My Southern Baptist peeps would draw a big difference between a Jew and an atheist.”