“Kids nowadays think they’re animals. Furburgers.”
That’s the opening line to humorist Bob Marley’s new bit.
(Audience laughing here at his malaprops.)
“Oh, what are they called?” Marley asks his audience, pretending he doesn’t know what they’re really called.
“Furries!* prompts a member of the audience.
“Look,” he says. “People can be whatever they want to be. I’ve got my own problems as you can obviously tell.”
Then he plays the role of a kid showing up at school telling his teacher he’s a beaver.
“Oh, that’s very good Parker,” he says, playing the role of the boy’s teacher addressing the student.
“Back in the day if I went to school and said I was a beaver I would get my teeth knocked out,” Marley says. “All I’m saying is that would not have worked back in the day.”
“My math teacher Earl W. Pride, if I went in and said I’m a beaver!” Marley pretends he just got his teeth knocked out by Mr Pride.
“Not anymore a******. Pick up your teeth and head to the main office.”
“I’m not a beaver anymore. He knocked all that Beaver desire out of me.”
The furries fad grew out of the push by a new subculture of parents urging their kids to be whatever gender they think they prefer, biological origin notwithstanding.
Furries made news a year ago in Maine at Mt. Blue Middle School in Farmington when a student began barking like a dog at another student who regularly crawled around the school on all fours, hissing at other students, and openly identifying as a furry.
The barking student was suspended for five days.
The victimized student, who was one of as many as 20 students at the middle school who were identifying as “furries,” called the later-suspended student a gay slur before he barked and hissed at him, according to a report at the time by Steve Robinson editor-in-chief of The Maine Wire.
“Yet only the non-furry student has received any punishment,” Robinson reported.
“For those unfamiliar with the more esoteric corners of the LGBTQIA+ curriculum now de facto mandated in Maine’s public schools,” Robinson wrote, “a furry is a person who is interested in or identifies with anthropomorphic animals, which are animals with human-like traits.”
In the case of the Farmington furry, the student apparently was identifying as a cat, as students reported often seeing her crawling through school on all fours and hissing at passersby.
The student who was barked at was part of a clique at the school infamous for identifying as furries, with many of them often sporting tails and making animal noises at non-furry students.
